This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
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I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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