So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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