Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
