Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
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