Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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