I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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