remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
