You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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