I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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