im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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