I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
i out mim tonsoeep
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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