I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
