you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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