i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Church boner. Awkwardddd
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
COCAINE IS GR8
Randomize
