So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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