I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
