I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Your penis caused this!
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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