billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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