someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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