Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
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Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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