i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
