A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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