I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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