Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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