I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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