hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
