I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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