ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
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