I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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