You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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