her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
