I'm laying in your front yard are you home
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
