oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
