it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
