He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
