Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
