so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
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I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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