You can't special order awesome
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
