those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
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Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
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Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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