The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
