I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
