Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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