im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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