It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
