did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
