everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
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