So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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