That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning