Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.