Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers