i just had sex bonerless
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"