mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
where are my eyebrows?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
