i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Dignity is for republicans.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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