My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
