You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
