both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
