its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
