My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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