I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize