Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
