You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
