I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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