cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Randomize
